The power of intention is really strong, I believe. You don’t even have to speak it out loud; although it might work stronger. You just think it, feel it and ideally you take some kind of action – you know you have made a new decision. And suddenly things are flowing into a different direction. So I realized when I was facing something difficult with one of my friends.

Deep Conversations

I always admired her drive. Even in her twenties – with more experienced people around her, and a lot of blah-blah people – my friend was able to navigate through the world of fashion. And I liked our uplifting conversations; we inspired each other with our work and our curiosity for experiencing new things. She was into fashion – really pretty as well – but our conversations were far from shallow. In fact, she always mentioned: “Wow, we always have these deep conversations!” And when I wanted to move to Spain, she was supporting me for one hundred percent.

Stomach Ache

She visited me once in Madrid, with a friend of hers, and it was fun. Then she visited me a second time, in Spring; this time alone. She had changed her job – she got out of fashion – and got one with way more responsibility. So when I was on my way to the airport, to pick her up, I felt this stomach ache coming up. Weird, I thought, ’cause I was feeling perfectly fine until then. I figured: maybe there is something wrong with her. Maybe it’s her stomach ache, her tension. And once I welcomed her in Madrid, she immediately confirmed it.

Twist

It had been a tense time at work. She felt stressed, her body responded accordingly, and she even had to cry before she got on the plane. She needed this break, this holiday, in which she would travel a bit around Spain. And I was happy to show her around in Madrid, to make her feel comfortable in my beautiful city. But I wasn’t expecting this little – I mean big – twist during her short visit, let alone in our friendship.

Her Father

During lunch – on the terrace of one of my favorite places – she started to talk about her frustration about her father. I won’t be getting into too many details, but her father had fallen in love with someone other than her mom. And she didn’t want anything to do with his new love. She was so mad about it. To me it sounded like a new story, but she told me that it had been going on for quite a while now. I felt her anger, but I also noticed there was something deeper – between her and her dad. Something she didn’t like at all. I felt sorry for her, and I could imagine how frustrating the whole thing was for her.

Scratching like a Cat

We decided to go our own way during the week, but in the evenings we would meet up. For dinner. It sounded like a great plan, since I like – and need – my own space as well. The first night it already went wrong. She was pushing, annoying; so different from the way I knew her. I already thought: if it was gonna stay like this, I might wanna skip some days. The next evening it was even worse. We went to a bar, and she started to become provocative. Scratching like a cat; a somewhat arrogant cat. And the next evening as well. So I thought: this needs to end…

[Part Two]

 

Feeling Repelled

In the meantime she was having the time of her life in Madrid. “The city is so beautiful”, she said. “Everything is like a movie over here.” Including the attention she was getting from men. She booked herself a room, in a fancy, boutique hotel, which made her movie even more complete. “I am dreaming”, she said fully glowing.

Normally I would be thrilled for her. But the better she was feeling, the worse I got. Even physically: I got trouble with my digestion, and I was feeling repelled by her energy. So the last night I invited a friend – to join – to have some distraction. And she was having such a blast, that she was thinking about staying in Madrid, instead of going to another part of Spain. Well, you might have guessed it, I made sure that she would go there as planned. I just didn’t want her near me.

Empathic Body

Once she had left, I started to feel better – mood-wise and physically. My empathic body needed rest, some time to recharge. Was this the same friend I was having in The Netherlands? Over there we didn’t meet up frequently, but still… when we met it was great. Somehow I felt apolegetic about the way I felt about the whole situation. But I even told another friend of mine: I don’t know why, but I need to be far away from her – at least for a while.

That Summer she texted me enthusiastically: “Hey, when are you coming to The Netherlands again?” I was already in my home country – just for a couple of days, busy with other things – which I told her honestly. And I told her that we should meet up the following month, when I would return for another short visit. So we did. But I told myself: I am not gonna carry any (energetic) shit this time. Friends or no friends.

Friendship

Back in The Netherlands we had a drink, and we went to a show. It was fun, but it already felt different; a bit off. Nevertheless, when we said goodbye, she wanted to let me know that she really appreciated our deep conversations. Like nothing had changed. I – on the other hand – noticed that my feelings about our friendship had changed. Deep conversations, ok. But not dumping shit at this level, please. So I thought.

Soil of Friendship

The following Christmas and Summer, I took the decensy to text her – since I didn’t hear anything from her. I found it difficult to bring up my story of the whole event, but since she used to be a nice friend of mine, I believed that I simply owed her that. Unfortunately I didn’t get the chance. Guess my prior intention had already landed in the soil of our friendship, and it was growing strongly: she seemed less responsive, and she didn’t seem excited to meet up. Even when my dad passed away, she was distant. And then it got quiet. Dead quiet.

Learning Points

I wish things had gone differently. I mean, I still care about her well-being – I considered her a friend. But friendships need balance, right? And empaths need balance, especially when the emotions of someone else feel too intense; almost aggressive and destructive to themselves. I do have to say, the whole thing showed me two learning points. The first one: sometimes people are not ready yet to deal with certain trauma’s; it might still be too painful. Hence her pulling-away behaviour, when I did reach out.

Also, maybe I was just too late, and my intention had become too strong to turn around. So I realized: when things don’t feel good, not balanced, you should tell the other person somehow; especially when it’s your friend. But empaths are often not the best when it comes to setting their bounderies. Expressing what they really feel, caring about their own identity. Then again, if you deeply care about other beings – like we normally do – we should deeply care about ourselves as well. And sometimes that is scary.